I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you had me at cake vodka
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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