Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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