considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
