careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
