when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
