I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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