Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
