He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
