Porn is love you can see.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
