think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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