We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
