that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
