i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
