my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
