if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
