My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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