Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize