she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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