There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
