At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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