Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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