What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
