so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
