he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize