Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize