I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
