you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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