Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
