I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
