Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
