i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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