Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
