it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my poor anus
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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