Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it's great music for shaving your balls
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
