Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
