There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
