I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
