She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
