Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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