i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
