hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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