I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
