Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
