i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
