hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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