That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
