what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize