im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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