ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
please come you make the beer taste better
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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