You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
