I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
