His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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