if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
did i walk over a car last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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