is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
