is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
