the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
