I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
