Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
