Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
