I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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