In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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