drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
