I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
