I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
