i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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