I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
