I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
