I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
