Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize