do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
