my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
