I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
