I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
