"it" just moved
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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