morning after pill = breakfast in bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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