I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize