We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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