I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
