Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
